


Bad Poems and Deep Shit

by Sherlocks_mind_palace



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Bad Poetry, Freeform, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I think?, Original work - Freeform, Poetry, deep, i also rarely update, im super unmotivated, poem, the writing gets a little better as i go on?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-04-26 04:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14393832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlocks_mind_palace/pseuds/Sherlocks_mind_palace
Summary: literally terrible and i apologize. deep and personal and  r e a l





	1. Dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this about a terrible time in my life and it is definately about r*pe so probably shouldnt read if that would be triggering for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another sad one because no matter how many times I try I can't write something happy lmao

I have dreams about you.  
Except I don't  
I mean, I have dreams about you  
But they aren't dreams.  
They're nice  
They're lovely even compared to  
the nightmares plaguing my sleep.  
But when I wake up from these dreams  
(that aren't dreams)  
Guilt washes over me  
Terror fills my heart  
And I shake from head to toe.  
I don't want to dream about you  
But you're always in my head.  
Wherever I go,  
"Will he be there?"  
I'm too scared to get you out of my head  
in fear that if I stop worrying  
and let my guard down  
you'll take advantage of it.  
So I deal with these horrid dreams  
and let them haunt me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my protection order expires in less than a week.


	2. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K, writing 3 things in one day and wanting them all to be good is wishful thinking. Oh well, today is an emotional day and this seems to be the only way for me to release my shit

Memories.   
They're a blessing  
and a curse.  
You have the happy ones  
and the ones that make you feel like shit.  
Some make you break into giggles  
Others make your heart clench  
and your throat tighten.  
Good memories were wonderful  
But mine are quickly fading.  
It seems that all I can think of  
are the times that tore me apart  
and shed my heart into a million pieces.  
I question if it's normal  
to feel this sad.  
To know happy things have happened  
and to be incapable of remembering them.  
There was a time when I was happy,  
when a scraped knee was forgotten within seconds.  
Now I lie in my bed  
and cry at the only memories left in my head.  
And I find myself wishing  
memories were a thing I could choose to forget.


	3. Moonshadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short and literally not a poem nor deep and i think it probably one makes sense to me

After each long day  
I sit on my roof and  
let the moonshadows  
wash the pain away.


	4. The Sea

As the sails flow gracefully in the wind,  
As the sea waves its greetings and farewells to the far off land  
I sit in silence  
A peaceful alliance  
With the wind and the waves  
As my lonely raft sails away  
And leaves me to the hands of the sea.


	5. idk

It's hard to put this into words.  
And it's by no means a poem.  
Life is terrifying.  
I crave a lover's attention,  
but flinch at the idea of being touched.

It gets worse every day.  
I get so scared.  
My mind has me convinced he's going to show up.  
Every time i go anywhere,  
i fear he'll be there.  
I feel alone in this  
and i know it's dramatic  
but what do i do to stop it?

Some days it feels like his hands are still on me  
Some days it feels like i'm back in those haunting moments  
Some days it feels like i'll never escape.

i'm chained down by my trauma.  
restrained,  
i get scared so easy.

One kiss, or one word, or one phrase can set off my panic.  
I want it to stop.  
Why won't it stop?

God, please save me.  
I can't keep living like this.  
It hurts too much.


	6. Search for Happiness

They ask me  
"Why do you remain awake at night  
only to sleep away the day?"  
And the answer is simple.

When night falls  
and everyone else is asleep  
I am free.  
Everything becomes silent.  
It starts with noise decreasing,  
and then my stress,  
my doubts, my insecurities,  
and my racing thoughts.

It all dies down to a murmur  
of negativity  
and opens up the curtain  
for my nighttime sun to stream in  
Awakening serenity  
and covering me in a blanket of peace.

Only then am I free  
to live  
and continue my search  
for happiness.


	7. Salt Water

As humans we need water to survive  
 _As humans we need love to survive_  
So when we're dehydrated,  
 _So when we're lonely,_  
we drink the first bit of water we find  
 _we accept the first bit of love we can find_  
Out of desperation.

Yet not everything is how it appears  
because the water you drank was salt water  
_because the love you welcomed was toxic_  
And as a result,  
it did nothing to help.  
Simply worsened your situation.

Yet in the end,  
you'll be searching once again.  
Because you have yet to learn  
most of the earth's water is filled with salt.  
_and most love kills._


	8. Abandoned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m aware I’m a bitch in this one.

You don’t know me  
You don’t deserve him  
We’re here all of us  
And you’re together   
I don’t want him like that  
But I need for you to not want him like that   
And him to not want you back  
I love you   
And I loathe you   
He deserves the world  
And you managed to get his forgiving self  
To forgive your slutty ass  
You’re needy  
You’re rude  
You’re my best friend  
But you fuck everyone over   
And I’m tired  
And you’re toxic   
And maybe I am too  
But you fucked both my best friends   
And how could I forgive you


End file.
